dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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