Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
