Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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