btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
