Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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