Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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