He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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