How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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