How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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