her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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