And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
