Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
