No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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