OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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