dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
