I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have post one night stand depression
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