the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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