By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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