i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
