So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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