Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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