i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
