I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
