then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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