Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
