Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
