You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
