i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
