alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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