apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
