I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I smell like Dick and happiness
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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