You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
