Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
