you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
