i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
