she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
