i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
