Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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