Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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