So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
