he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
