Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We got so high we made milksteak
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
not ubering you a puppy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
