god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
