The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
