Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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