i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We got so high we made milksteak
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
