I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
