You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
whose parrot is this?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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