The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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