i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
