I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
