Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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