Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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