3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
