1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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